The Battle Of Building A Business With Postnatal Depression

I wanted this life so badly; I wanted as close as possible to the picket-fence family with a house, a car, a good job that I loved, and children. I finally met the man who was not only to become my best friend, my husband, and father to our beautiful daughter, but he was also the man who would save my life, more times than I care to admit, even to him. 

I’d worked hard for years in a dead-end job that truly wasn’t ever going to allow me to grow more than a Team Member, even with ten-plus years of experience. This was in-spite of the many opportunities for them to use my skills as a graphic designer (FOR FREE, MIGHT I ADD!). So I took a leap of faith. I applied for a Job in Graphic Design and Printing. I am good at photo editing, and I love the challenge and reward of photo restoration. I'd done this job once before, for another company that shut down, and I loved it. I decided the gamble to pursue my passions was worth risking the stability I’d built working as a Team Member. For the first 6 months, the gamble was totally worth it! I was happier, my manager was wonderful, honestly, one of the best managers I’ve ever had, and I was thriving doing what I loved! 

Me working at my new job in 2024

I just passed my probation when I found out my husband and I were expecting our daughter.  We were over the moon. My regular customers were thrilled too, especially the older folks whom I’d gotten to know. My manager was so supportive, making sure I had everything I needed and being extra careful not to upset an extremely hormonal pregnant woman, who happened to be off her ADHD meds, while not being able to have coffee due to the little bump forming inside her. (Shout out to you, Chris, you really looked after me!)

Unfortunately, as the pregnancy went on, like many women’s stories, I had symptoms of my pregnancy. My right leg would just stop working. For no reason, I'd be walking and then bam! My leg would just go numb, and I'd have to stop walking at best, or fall at worst. I ended up needing crutches in my 3rd trimester to get around. At 7 months pregnant, the decision was made for my and my baby's safety that I needed to start my maternity leave sooner than I’d have liked. This meant less time once she was here, but it was for the best, I thought. Feeling secure, I took time off work, thinking not much more of it.  Shortly after my leave started, I got the call no one wants when they love their job, let alone when they are on maternity leave. "We are having to close the unit. I can’t move you to any other units. I’m sorry, but you’ll be made redundant as of the 1st of April." It was probably 2, maybe 3 hours before it came to me. I’d just lost my dream job, just after a year of working it, while pregnant, hormonal, sore, raw, angry, bloody raging. Broken. This was the start of my depression. 

While most couples in our place would be worrying about bills, my husband and I also have the added stress of his Visa, which is due this year to extend for another 2.6 years. Just under £4,000 that we already didn’t have yet would now be impossible to make up, and I just knew we’d need to dip into whatever we had saved of it to get us by. My manager did what he could. He held on until I qualified for my SMP, sold me his old printer, paper, and ink, and some stock was thrown in to help start me out, all at a very fair price. It was clear this was not what he wanted to do, but he was out of options just like I was. 

Low, broken, and feeling like I’m just treading water, trying to keep my mind from spiralling more in between the tears and baby belly rubs, I got an email from the woman who would later do our daughter's newborn photos. Adelle asked if we would be interested in a maternity photoshoot. During that shoot, I explained what I do, or more what I used to do, and how it was one of her clients who told us about her studio when they ordered photos she had taken onto canvas. I shared with her, how I’d lost what I loved to do. This woman, I kid you not, just looked me in the eye and said, “Why not do it for yourself?”

Now she is not the first woman to tell me that, as my mother-in-law said the same thing. She was the one who encouraged me to get my old manager's printer in the first place. My husband, who was basically carrying me, through all this turmoil also said the same thing. Clearly, other people believed in me, in my skills, but I didn’t believe in myself. I honestly still don’t.

My Husband and I at the Photoshoot, Photo by Adelle Mungavin Photography

Fast forward to May, and our daughter was born via induction due to reduced movements. At 38 weeks, I was excited to meet her. My husband and I made jokes about how I sounded like Darth Vader when using the gas and air. The Midwives and Doctors were amazing, and most importantly, we watched our favourite movie in the delivery room... Alien... yes, the 1979 Alien movie by Ridley Scott. The very movie that no normal person would watch while about to give birth any minute. It was honestly an amazing birth experience.

And then there she was. She was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I don’t think I will ever see anything more beautiful again. 

Our daughter1 day old

Unfortunately, that was where my positive experience ended. My body took a beating during the final stages of the delivery. The physical healing is still ongoing, 9 months later, and I don’t think I will ever mentally fully recover, but I am trying. The problem with postnatal depression is, well, it's a liar. Plain and simple. I know I’m a good mum, or at least I know I’m trying to be. I know my daughter does not, and will not, hate me when she is older. Yet every cry she makes leads me to that conclusion. I didn’t lose my job because I wasn’t good enough or not skilled enough. But every time I look at my new printer, or the unsold stock, it leads me to that conclusion. I know people who have loved my products, be it a Photo Slate or Photo Editing. Yet deep down, I feel like it's not enough. Like, I'm not good enough to make this business work. And I don't know yet how to move past those feelings of fear and insecurity.

December 2025, our family's first Christmas season, and I was in panic mode. I’d told myself that if I didn’t sell out of my current stock, I would sell everything and go get myself a normal part-time job. I gave myself 1 month to sell what amounted to probably three months’ worth of stock. This was clearly nowhere near enough time to make such a decision, but my head was focused on bills, credit card payments, all the things most people worry about, but I added the extra stress of saving enough and having enough income to meet the requirements for renewing my husband’s visa this summer. To top it off, I worried that I am a bad mum. My depression tells me that I’ve made a mistake because I’m not patient enough to teach those values to another person. I’m not good enough to be her mum because I am not patient enough to even give myself the time to establish my life again, after feeling like I’ve lost it all while gaining this amazing little person in my life.

On the 29th of December 2025, I attended a Job Centre to sign myself up for Job Seekers. This appointment was for two reasons. One, to find a part-time job and two, to seek help and support in building this business. The meeting went exactly as you’d expect a hormonal, depressed, and very anxious Mum would go. I fell apart when the very kind lady said hello and asked me to sit down at her desk. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want the stigma of being on job seekers. I didn’t want to feel like a failure. I didn’t want my daughter to one day look at me as a failure. Because that’s what my depression tells me I am, even though deep down I know I did not lose my job from any error that I made. It was just bad luck from the gamble I’d made the year before. The very lovely lady took my husband, baby, and I into another room. She went over my other options as she knew I was unfit to work and even shared her own experience of her own postnatal depression. There was no judgment, only understanding. We are currently pursuing those options, with the good news that I can carry on working on my business at the same time.

I don’t know how far I can push myself with the business. I now know that it takes time, energy, passion and determination. I have limited time, but what time I have left will be spent on this business. I have very little energy, but what energy I do have will be spent on this business. I have limited passion, but what little I have left will be spent on this business. I have very little determination, but what little I have will be spent on this business.

Because it’s all for her. 

And that is good enough.

Photo by Adelle Mungavin Photography